The Next Leg

I am leaving Monday the 2nd for the Abbey of the Genesee. I look forward to the days in that Holy Environment. I won't have access to the internet...I will be reading, reflecting, praying and practicing the "order" of monastic life. My soul craves this time, which will be different from the time I have had at the various "hermitages" where I have been studying and writing.

There is something interesting and ironic going on.

One of my most precious realms is the world of silence...total silence. It is where I experience the deepest connection to God's love and truth. To my total consternation, I have developed tinnitus...ringing in the ears!

Well...I have stepped forward into a vast and varied regimen of ways to deal with this....and I suppose it remains to be seen whether this is temporary or if I am being given an opportunity to live with this (goodness knows, many people do!)

I can't help but recall a story told to me by my own spiritual director at the beginning of this sabbatical time. We were talking about the way we set lofty expectations upon our "holy" plans. She recounted the story of one sister who was given an opportunity to travel overseas to the country of her patron saint. She yearned to walk in the footsteps and linger in the hallways where her "saint" had lived and moved hundreds of years ago. But as soon as she arrived at her destination, she became so ill that all she could do for the entire week was stay in her room. No travel...no encounters outside her four walls. She returned to America and her ordinary life. I am told that she was deeply disappointed, of course, but reported that she had met God's comfort and peace in her room...and accepted that the pilgrimage was, quite simply, what it was.

The story was shared to lift up the reality that "perfection" will elude us...it is just the way things are. However, God's grace, lavished upon us can't be obstructed by physical illness or practical difficulties. Remembering to breathe, to let go of rigid expectations about how things need to be (or how we hope for them to be) allows us to receive precisely what God is bestowing right now that is in our best interests.

As for me...I know with my whole heart that God's still voice can meet my heart's desire. No malady chronic or acute, gigantic or miniscule, can have ultimate power over God's Love reaching out to each one of us!

Sometimes our disappointments can loom in our heads and hearts. They can distract us from what God is providing in their midst, especially when what is threatened is some aspect of life we have held dear and precious.

Paul's counsel to the Corinthians speaks to me:

Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10